Dear Dad,
Sometimes I can’t imagine my life with you in it...it’s strange to say but it has just been so long. Looking at your photos is like looking at a distant memory, a memory that at times feels like perhaps never existed.
And now I understand why-
I have blocked the pain by completely cutting off the memories. My coping mechanism has been to not cope at all.
I see in Jetson hints of you and it reminds me of the sweet memories I have tried to block out. These moments touch my heart ad for just a minute I feel you there with me. I have been feeling your presence a lot lately dad and I know now that it’s time for me to begin the healing process that I thought I went through so long ago.
A lot of me is feeling bitter for how everything went down. You left us far too soon and I just wish you could’ve met Dustin and Jet.
When you were going through everything I was at a selfish point in my life, in school, caring about the social aspect of my life and trying to distract myself from the inevitable truth that you were very very sick.
I feel there’s so much more I could have done, or I would’ve done had I known our time was short.
You were the hardest worker and the most loving father to me. You were kind, honest and humorous. I was never afraid to go sit on your lap or climb in bed and watch the news, you were welcoming and warm.
How badly I want to be that little girl in your arms again.
How badly I dream to sing with you and hear your voice one last time.
How I miss your very particular smell of musk, soil and a hint of cigarette.
Oh how I need you.
Oh how I miss you .
Oh how I love you.
Until we meet again,
Savvy
