How breastfeeding helped not only my baby but helped me ...

The first few weeks being a mother has been hard. It's a big shock that is impossible to explain until you experience it.

Everything has gotten so much easier lately. We have adjusted to our new normal and now that Jetson is a bit older and we take him out with us we live life a bit more like we used to.

But the first couple weeks were a whirlwind of crazy and I hardly even left my house! If I posted my internet history you would see a million searches a day on all the mom websites. Is this normal? Is that okay? Or even looking at pictures of other infants poop to find out if my babies poop is supposed to be bright orange!

I've made thousands of calls to my mom asking what I should do in certain situations. Questions like, should I take my baby out to go visit friends? Should I keep him home? Whats better? Me going crazy being at home for weeks straight or Jetson getting exposed to a bit of germs?

All these questions filled my brain along with the ongoing question...why can't you just trust yourself as a mother? 

I started to ponder that...and tried and tried to understand why I couldn't trust my instincts. 

I definitely had some sort of post partum sadness. The first two weeks I was kind of a mess emotionally. I had to watch my guilty pleasure TV show, Modern Family because it made me laugh and if even the slightest sad comercial came on I was a mess. Hormones were flying everywhere.

I wasn't fully comfortable breastfeeding yet, I was always having to fix his latch or use a breastsheild. Finally after fives days passed being home, I decided to stop using the breastsheild. I would just constantly help him re-latch. By the end of the day he was nursing like a pro! 

It isn't until now that I realize, that is why and that is when things started to get better. That is when I realized, my body knows exactly what this baby needs, how much and when. That being said, why shouldn't I trust myself? My body is programmed for this and my mind and heart can be too with enough confidence. 

Breastfeeding has saved me from the emotional stress I had post partum. I'm so thankful Heavenly Father blessed me with the ability to feed and help my baby/future babies thrive! The body is a magnificent thing and how great and generous is our God for giving us such a gift. 

Not to say I don't still call my mom with the occasional worry or take to the google-mom community with my questions- I do. But now I can believe that most of the choices I make will be right and making minor mistakes are not the end of the world. I'm so thankful for this knowledge and for the love of the savior who comforts me in my most vulnerable states.